Olonan, Laura wrote: I just want to thank you for everything... for the talk, for your views, for your humor and just for being you and all that encompasses that. It has been an awesome 2 1/2 month run. Thank you for pushing my threshold beyond limits I thought I had. Thank you for always being thought provoking and never boring or predictable. I will miss and already have started missing you immensely- both physically and mentally... Always, me. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 9:21 AM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: One last word... You're very welcome, always. Thank you, as well, for everything. Including this e-mail. When I woke up this morning, I thought "wait.... did I? no.. no.. I didn't.... *phew* " and then I smacked myself cause I'll always wonder ;) Irrespective, I hope things go well for you, as you truly deserve the best life has to offer - whether it be with Eric or... some other man you've yet to encounter. Good luck *hugs* *licks* Olonan, Laura wrote: Did you have to throw a lick in there? -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 9:26 AM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: One last word... Did you have to give me that look and challenge every restraint I could muster by saying "not that you'll act on it"? ;) Olonan, Laura wrote: It truly humbles me to know that there is someone out there (you), that does hold the capacity to make me want to just loose complete and utter control and give into temptation. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 9:31 AM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: One last word... Bahhh... it's all primal b.s. and perhaps I should just shut the fuck up now before I do any more harm though, it's situations like this that keep me out of relationships, because I consider it restrictive to the human spirit. Not that you should, mind you, but that's how I am. Olonan, Laura wrote: No harm done. My spirit was never restricted with you...ever. One of the things I will miss most. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 9:48 AM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: One last word... There's much better than me out there - we both know that. Perhaps, if anything, my presence (as of late) might be a bit painful and harmful at first but in the end has/will help your decision-making (in either direction). Either way... you is good people and you is gonne be fine. Olonan, Laura wrote: you aren't so bad yourself ;) Olonan, Laura wrote: You didn't bring my make-up bag over last night. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 10:15 AM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Technically, I did bring it. I just didn't take it outta my car - my bad for forgetting. I could bring it over if you'd like. This is where those years I spent as a child practicing the baton-pass will come in handy. Olonan, Laura wrote: Was it a Freudian slip of sorts? -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 10:19 AM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? I doubt it. I totally forgot I even had the thing, it's been sitting in my glovebox for like 2+ weeks now. I even remember , before I left my apt. last night, thinking "now.. is there anything I'm supposed to bring to drop off? Anything I left over there? Anything in my car that she left?" Olonan, Laura wrote: well- I can always pick it up from you this weekend...if that makes it easier. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 10:35 AM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Just let me know what you wanna do. I'm done making decisions. Olonan, Laura wrote: Well, if it works for you... I will come by Saturday. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 10:42 AM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Still not sure if I'm gonna have that meeting w/your buddy, but I'm sure we could find sometime on Saturday that I'll be around for the 3.5 seconds it takes to make the cold, quick hand-off. Olonan, Laura wrote: Can I get a high five? -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 10:46 AM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Yes. You can get whatever you ask for. That's the problem, I think. Olonan, Laura wrote: Maybe there will be no asking...just out right taking. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 10:56 AM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Well, you've got two choices and I leave it up to you to decide. 1. You can drop by Saturday in the midst of whatever erand-running adventure you'll be wrapped up in and I'll give you your make-up bag thingy ma jig. 2. Because I'll be out and about tonight anyway to replace my keyboard (the current one has 8 dead letter keys, after having been hit with one too many incidences of soda, water, cigarettes, etc), I can swing by your pad and drop it off to you. Olonan, Laura wrote: I chose option #1... because I am taking my son to a punk show tonight and I don't know what time I will be back. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 11:03 AM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? she chose door #1. I'll see you Saturday then, I'll wear a beanie and remove my piercings ;) Olonan, Laura wrote: yes, please and wear sun glasses... please look nothing like the Mitcz I crave- and I should be fine -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 11:17 AM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? how 'bout I just send Nad out there? Unless your intention was to come up to the apt "one last time" and get said bag. But I'm sure I could fashion an "ugly mask" in a jiffy. Olonan, Laura wrote: Nad is not a good enough substitute for you ( no insult to him) ... unless you can get Mike Ness or another punk rocker along those lines... I prefer the real Mitcz. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 12:07 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? I've got but one, long-winded thing to say. *clears throat* http://www.angrymf.com/archives/lessons_in_life/000133.php Olonan, Laura wrote: Thanks! you just me tear up. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 12:23 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? I'm sorry, what was that? Me tear up? Tear me up? Tear as in tears? Or as in tearing cloth, heartstrings, amply quivering vaginal entries? Olonan, Laura wrote: Tear as in tears... the last one always sounds good to me. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 12:28 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Sorry. It was just intended to get that the hell out of me - then I thought "perhaps I should share" but now I'm thinking... I should've just let you come across the thing if you ever happened upon AMF one day in a fit of boredom. Olonan, Laura wrote: Don't be sorry. I am glad you made me read it... otherwise I don't know if I would have attempted to look at your sites on my own. Still... it did make me tear up. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 12:47 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Ahh well, I suck. I'm gonna go eat a cock.. I mean, eat lunch now. TTYL. have fun at the "punk show". Olonan, Laura wrote: I can't stop reading your Angry MF... weird- I guess I secretly or not so secretly like the torment -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 2:13 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Fine by me. Just as long as you're amused somehow. A smile a day keeps those fuckin' wah-wahs away. Olonan, Laura wrote: Fuck the wah wahs... I am done pissing and moaning. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 2:20 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Good. Good. You had me worried, with the sniffling earlier. Well then cheer up, Charlie ;) Besides.. no one's as fucked as this dude: http://www.kobtv.com/index.cfm?viewer=storyviewer&id=16430&cat=HOME Olonan, Laura wrote: Scary... something similar happened at my son's old school last year. There was no sniffling..just a little moisture -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 2:27 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Moisture's not so bad. It can be a very good thing, in fact, depending on where it originates. But, really now? similar thing at your son's school? So this is common? I'm guessing there's a whole underground world I'll never quite understand then. Interesting. Olonan, Laura wrote: Do you really want to know the moistures origin? Seriously though... My son was attending a little snobby school in the valley. He come one day scared shitless telling me about what had happened. Then the school put a serious securty lockdown. Funny thing now... the school he is currently attending use to be Michael Jackson's old school. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 2:40 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Kee razy shit. man. And, yes, it's quite hilarious that he's now at the former school of Jacko. I'm so goddamned uninspired here. Makes me wish I could tell my boss "look... I'm only gonna produce pure shit today. I'm uninspired and I've got designer's block. Doing anything is a waste of your time and mine because I'm only going to end up redoing it later. I'm going home to get some R&R and I'll be back tomorrow feeling more refreshed and more inspired". That would be ideal. That's how it should be for us designer types. But, no, that'll never happen. How's your workday going? Olonan, Laura wrote: Work was crazy earlier... catching up and making sure that all the client relationships I have strongly secured are just that after my departure. I have been distracted by many random thoughts about everything- sometimes the philosophical and even get to me.... Buddha will surely be hearing me meditate later... Hey- I lost 5 lbs so I am happy about that. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 3:30 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Sounds like a productive day to say the least. The mental shit, ehhh.. you'll be fine. You've got love on your side and all that. I think that's supposed to make stuff easier - Buddha be damned. And how did this 5 lbs suddenly disappear? You better watch out, you'll waste away to nothing. Don't go losin' that ass, either. Wait, strike that, lose the ass, the boobs, the face, and become an annoying, mindless, insufferable bitch. Then I'll be like "boy am I glad I don't have to deal with that anymore" I'm trying to carry on these e-mails as if I were just having a regular convo w/you but as you can see, I'm failing miserably. I guess the reality of your situation takes a bit longer to sink in and flush away than I'd originally lied to myself about. Mmmkay. 'Nuff o' that shit. Here's some more Red Meat. Olonan, Laura wrote: Okay... that cartoon was very funny. I am not sure if I do have love on my side... besides, after time, that fades and then you have to be happy with the person and be comfortable when the conversations are fewer and the silence takes over. The weight loss- well, I have been on my kidney diet... so basically I am going to lose the weight back I can only eat healthy. I start the physical workout in 2 weeks. I have to do all of this or suffer more attacks. And I won't be losing any of my ass- it will now be super firm and tight. It is hard for me to keep up the emails and not make the sexual jokes... But if you want me to stop writing you to make it easier, then say so- I will reluctantly stop for you. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 3:52 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? I don't want to stop talking to you. I'm not even sure that I should stop talking to you. It might be healthier, mentally and what-not, for both of us - but ya know what? Fuck it. I'll be honest, I felt (and still kinda feel) a bit robbed here. Why should I have to make all these painful mods to my life because of someone I've never met? If you wanna talk - cool. If you don't - I'll respect your wishes and leave you be. You're calling the shots cause as far as I'm concerned, this has nothing to do w/me and I'm just going by what you want, cause you're a friend (et al.) and until you give me reason to not want to talk to you anymore, I'd like to at least try to continue that - if only in e-mails and phone convos (where it's safe). To that end - if your wishes are that I just stay quiet and don't comment on anything and we act like nothing ever happened and we were "just friends" all along, I can do that, too. Out of respect for you. Olonan, Laura wrote: I agree with you... Until you and/ or I have a reason to stop communicating, I think you and I can handle emails and phone conversations. I just have to stop picture you in compromising situations... which is my own demon to battle. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 4:07 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Agreed. And I won't make asshole calls to put you into bad mental proving grounds like I did last night *feels sheepish* Olonan, Laura wrote: you are the wolf and I am the lamb -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 4:23 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Either way, the wolf knows the sting of shotgun pellets in the ass when the farmer sees him hangin' at the grazing area. Olonan, Laura wrote: But lambs are so cuddly -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 4:27 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Right. And they're gonna "just cuddle" with a wolf? ;) Olonan, Laura wrote; sure- if wolfy just wants to cuddle a lamb here and there. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 4:36 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? Sooner or later the wolf needs to eat, and with a lamb so close by, so ripe for the meal..... Olonan, Laura wrote: You would eat me if I were an innocent lamb? -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 4:47 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? I'd eat you (out) as a Laura. Olonan, Laura wrote: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Okay- in a tail... hey can I have you as my bachelorette present... you know, like one last hoorah? -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 5:01 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: You know what...? That question is so far and above and beyond wrong I'm not sure whether to laugh or answer it seriously. Though, this is the closest you've come to sounding at all serious about the decision laid before you so I guess that's a good sign. Still.. isn't that supposed to be all kinds of wrong? ;) But hell, who am I to pass judgment? Olonan, Laura wrote: I was totally serious. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 1:51 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: retarded hey look. I'm retarded: http://www.mistressleslie.com/lesliesharp/passiveartsstudio/pages/DSCF6771_JPG.htm Olonan, Laura wrote: What the hell?! -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 2:10 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded I'm sorry.. what was the question? Olonan, Laura wrote: that is a very peculiar look on your face, not too mention how you are standing... trying in imagine what you are saying. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 2:23 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded Probably "IIII TAUUGHT THE KILLING GAAAAME!" considering the next image looks like it was taken while I was doing my OhGr-talking-about-his-cat impression: http://www.mistressleslie.com/lesliesharp/passiveartsstudio/pages/DSCF6776_JPG.htm Olonan, Laura wrote: ahhh- I remember now... both your gig and the show...better photo of you -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 2:31 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded Actually, it kinda looks like I'm aching to suck a cock. Might be the way I'm holding that mic... but whatever. I don't mind gay jokes made at my expense. Olonan, Laura wrote: I don't mind sucking cock- WOW we have a lot in common -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 2:41 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded Hey. No cookie for you. Olonan, Laura wrote: Why not??? -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 2:48 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded Makin' cock references. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Olonan, Laura wrote: What?! Mitcz shying away from my references... I must try HARDER. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 3:03 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded Honestly, it's just difficult to know how to respond. One part of me says "go with it - she started it" another says "don't go with it, you're only making things worse, walk away now". I know I don't normally give a fuck, nor do I ever give much thought to this kinda shit but... I'm honestly at a bit of a loss trying to figure out what to say/do in this situation. So, I'm just playing the coy role. On an unrelated note, I'm still curious how you're doing with everything, how you're feeling, what you're thinking, etc. Olonan, Laura wrote: I told him yesterday that I really need time to think and that I didn't any pressure from or friends to set a date. He knows that I am back on the fence. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 3:15 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded I see. So, am I supposed to sit here and not question anything - act like I never knew of any of this? That's pretty much where I'm having trouble. I'm not here to pass judgment on your decisions, that's not what I do. But I am wondering just how you want/expect me to respond, if at all. Olonan, Laura wrote: Respond if you want- you are free to speak your mind. If my joking around withyou makes you feel weird- then I will seriously stop. It is your call. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 3:36 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded It's just that I had expected to walk away and act like we'd never met, thereby enabling you to make whatever decision you were going to make, untainted by my commentary and/or actions - figuring you'd end up going forth with your original plan(s) and I'd likely almost never see you again. Then, in thinking "ahh.. what's the harm?" I continued talking with you via phone/e-mail and now you're over here in a more unsure position than you were before and I'm sincerely hoping I have nothing at all to do with that, but worry that I may have somehow negatively affected the situation. In a perfect world, I'd have just said "hey, good luck" and left it up to you to call the shots on what was appropriate and what-not to say. I've done that so far, and I'm continuing to do that. As long as you're perfectly okay with everything, perfectly comfortable and I'm not some catalyst for escape --- then I'm going to continue to just go along with whatever. As you said - you're a big girl, you can make up your own mind about things and no one can or should try to tell you otherwise. You know me, I don't like to complicate things. I don't like bullshit drama. I don't like to come in and fuck people's shit up. Right now there's a mental conflict of interest between "letting it flow" and "making the most of it" for me, so I apologize for my peculiarity here. You've heard and read my position on it enough times to quote it from memory at this point, so it would do no good to repeat it yet again. Go ahead and make your jokes, I'll pretend I'm doing nothing wrong in replying and I'll hope no one goes pointing a finger at me if shit goes sour for some reason. If they do, well.. hell, at least the council in my head has it on record that I tried to do the right thing ;) Olonan, Laura wrote: It has been noted that you are doing the right thing. Whatever my decision, I will come to make it on my own and when I feel that I can stand behind what I choose 100%. I appreciate your emails... I really do. I just say whatever comes to mind with you- that is how I am, so why change now? Saturday IS tomorrow... if you still want me to stop by and pick up my stuff, then I shall... if it makes you uneasy, then I can wait. I can't make any promises on how it is going to be when I see you... It is your call. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 3:59 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded Rightie-o. Yeah, I'm still available tomorrow for the grande pick-up. I'll prolly just be sittin' around working on shit anyway. I e-mailed that guy (waitaminute... his name's Eric too. Hmm..) back and told him I'm not quite what he's looking for but would meet w/him if he just needed someone to push him in the right direction. I've gotten no response thus far, but we'll see. Olonan, Laura wrote: He has been here today-- he said was going to meet with you... and NO not the same Eric... you are meeting with Eric (name withheld from this e-mail) and my, I don't know what he is at the moment is Erik Little- so quit your hmms. I will see you tomorrow then. I am waiting for my TV to be delivered between 9 and 1, so I will call you afterwards. Just look horrible and I won't force myself on you. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 4:11 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded He would be your "potential future husband" or "semi-half-ex-fiance", or "semi-ex-boyfriend-turned-friend-turned-ambiguous" however "friend" prolly wouldn't work. But okie dokie, I'll look like I always do, at your request. Olonan, Laura wrote: Damn... if you look the way you always do, I am in deep trouble. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 4:17 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded Which I guess would put me deep in... something. Someone to be more specific. Olonan, Laura wrote: Oooooooo -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 4:30 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded I guess my horns are poking out through my holographic halo again. I was doin' pretty good for awhile there. Olonan, Laura wrote: You did good for exactly one day- if that. But you still get credit -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 4:46 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded Bahh... one day nothin'. If you're only counting the times I talked to you since you got back, I went up until.. effectively yesterday (which barely counts, cause I was writing internal thoughts, not specifically telling you what I thought). Oh, discounting the other night - when I didn't really say anything, but much was heavily implied :) I just remembered I was gonna try to get my stereo installed on Saturday. Hopefully they'll have a spot for me in the day. Olonan, Laura wrote: Stop implying and just say it. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 4:49 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded Actions speak louder than words. Olonan, Laura wrote: Then my actions will certainly make you deaf. -----Original Message----- From: Rev. Mitcz [mailto:me@revmitcz.com] Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 4:53 PM To: Olonan, Laura Subject: Re: retarded Usually your reactions to my actions tend to make me temporarily deaf anyway, so it's nothing new. Olonan, Laura wrote: I suspect the actions may hit a new peak considering the situation... I think you might permanently hear ring in your ear.